Not Dead…Yet

Oh Lawd where do I start?!

I DON’T, that’s where I start lol

This whole damn week has been EXHAUSTING oh my LAWD

“Gopher, why was it tiring?”

Did I fucking stutter sir and or madame?! I just said I don’t start.

Mainly because I honestly can’t choose where or what specific thing really took the cake.

Well that’s not true, my dog passing away was definitely the high light of the shit storm. Thanks to that I just feel so drained and blah after everything else.

I am happy I’m writing this blog…mainly because I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone in my day to day life….I mean, there’s only so much you can tell people about your pain or the cause of your pain before they get tired of hearing..which really sucks because then I either bottle it all up or desperately search for someone new to verbally throw up on…but after a while you bottle up anyway…at least I do. Mainly because the anxiety reminds the depression if I keep talking I’ll just become a burden or I’ll be seen as annoying and that’s not ok…

My brain would rather me be silent than make others think I can’t handle myself…or make others think I’m an irritating stain in their life..which I’m fairly certain stems from the deeply ingrained fear of being left alone…..



My God that became dark…hahaha haa


Anywho, there are good things that have happened.

Soon I will be getting an iPad Pro (10.5) with an Apple Pencil :D. I am also going to be snagging the Qwerkywriter Mechanical Keyboard if I can!

“Oh goodness Goph-“


It’s beautiful and amazing and shUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY DAMN IT!!

So yeah, I’m super fucking excited about that because FUCK YEAH BOOK WRITING!!

“Why is everything randomly capitali-“

Shhhhhhhhjjkkhjkjhnkk *creepily caresses your face, as I draw closer to you and whisper*….. I’m tired of your questions human.

The second good thing, and this may seem really silly, is that I will be acquiring my first, drum roll please…………..


Eh? Ehhh?


Fuck you guys I’m funny 😂 hahahaha haaaand completely serious.

I know it may not seem like much but it’ll be my first purse in 22 years, so it’s a small milestone but a milestone none the less lol

Plus!! It’s a Disney purse 😀


If I’ve learned anything at this wedding

….lmfao let’s try that again
If I’ve learned anything THIS WEEK…it’s that life truly is a roller coaster ride, and it’s definitely made harder when you are suddenly riding it alone…but I’m going to keep trucking, because the bad doesn’t last forever and I want to be there when the sun finally shines through.

Take care Gophs, and until next time 🙂


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