I won’t lie to you Gophs, this one will be hard for me.
Not because it’s upsetting, but because I don’t know if I will have the right words to describe what exactly music means to me.. what it gives me.
These are the voices of my soul when words fail me, even though words are as important to me as the air I breathe.
For most other people, I can pluck words from the depths of my reservoir as easy as I smile when I describe them…
But when it is for me the words are meant to describe…the pool runs dry…and the walls rise high.
But with music..
What words could ever come close to sweet sounds that fill my soul? What words could do the silence you grant my harrowed mind justice? What words…could give my demons the same sanctuary?
If there are words… I do not know them.
It is not a lie when I say the thought of going a day without music fills me with despair. Nor is it a lie when I admit that I begin my custom soundtrack from the moment I waken…to the moment I fall into the darkness of dreams.
….with music I feel..with music I am here…
With music I exist, and my heart beats with the reminder I do not want to disappear. It is the lover I hold so close and so dear…and were I given the choice of sight or sound…I would walk in darkness with a smile for the rest of my days.
I laugh and cry and sing as loud as I’m able to Disney, for I have yet to chase the inner child from my being.
I scream and curse and feel despair to the loudest and harshest of metals, with words so twisted in earthly pain my demons quiet themselves in understanding, in remembrance.
But above all…
Above all the other kinds I love and hold so dear to me..
I become whole..and I become colored…and I become a girl with dreams and loves to the sweetest melodies of old.
To the Cello goes my pain..
To the violin my fear…
And to the Piano…goes my mask.
In these simple instruments of wood and string belong my entire being. I would be so lost without you…so entirely gray and broken that I would’ve disappeared from this beautiful and achey thing we call life long..long…ago.
You, music, are my savior. My life, my sanctuary, and my self.
I am forever in your debt.
I love you.
And that ladies and gentlemen, is what music does for a mind as fractured and lost as mine. Music does so much…and it never asks for anything in return..what a love that is.
Until next time.