I Wants The Beauty!

Get it? Because it rhymes with booty? Lol

Hello Gophs! I’m back to gush about three ladies I believe deserve some recognition. One of them is already quite known I’m sure, and the other ladies are no secret to their followers. However, I believe they should get just a bit more recognition because they are amazing at what they do and I aspire to be them. The way they capture the human form, emotions, and fantasy are all awe inspiring. Plus, two of them tell unique stories with their pieces. Art and story telling in one? Of course they’d be my idols lol. I do have two male artists that I very much enjoy as well, but we’ll save them for another post.

So without further ado, the First Lady I shall introduce is Jasmin Darnell a.k.a. Yasahime. I found Yasahime while perusing Pinterest and instantly fell in love. Her use of shading is honestly something to be jealous of, mainly because she does it with subtlety and only where the form would actually have it. She doesn’t drown her pieces in lines or smudges and I find it refreshing. Art classes, at least for me, always seemed to ask for SO much shading. So much so that I felt my pieces were reduced to a mess of graphite, ugh! I digress, as that is not the only reason I love her work. I love the Victorian era/Lolita fashion many of her drawings incorporate. Her choice in style always gives her ladies such a regal feel, and her attention to detail is more than pleasing to the eye. She isn’t one to color her pieces often, but when she does they are just as flawless and spectacular as her penciled works. She is definitely on my “Teach Me Senpai” list.

Behold her splendor!

This wonderful woman has a tumblr, a deviant art, and a storenvy account. Go check it out!https://yasa-hime.deviantart.com/ http://yasahime.tumblr.com/ http://jdarnell.storenvy.com/

Next lady that I’m going to gush over is arguably more well known than the other two. Not much is known about her except that she most likely draws her pieces and posts them under a nom de plume, which is Chiara Bautista. At least that is what I’ve gathered from an art magazine interview she did quite a while back. The gentleman she fondly draws and holds in deep regard is a mystery as well, though if one pays attention to the clues it isn’t hard to figure out where her heart lies (it’s not a mystery if you follow her Facebook either). From the interview she spoke about her Hispanic heritage, her love for the weird, and mentioned she actually works for some sort of paper or magazine as an illustrator I believe? Not entirely sure so don’t quote me 😂. On to why I love her work.

Now her art isn’t as refined or orderly as yasahime, but there in lies her pull. Her pieces could be considered rough, but they carry a weight of emotion because of this. I feel like the pieces she creates in her pass time are scratchier and rougher because they are pieces meant for her (though she graciously shares them with us), rather than pieces meant for work. I feel like these drawings are ones she can really let go with and explore herself through. Especially about the emotion of love. Love is a common catalyst for her work, and what a wide range of love she conveys. She has two couples, though there are plenty of random flings too, that are staples of her doodles. My favorite couple is The Moon and The Night Sky, which she has personified using a wolf with stars in his coat and a woman in white with a bunny mask. The other couple is The Mermaid and The Crow. The depiction of the mermaid is self-explanatory, but the crow is actually depicted with a mans body and a crows head. His skin is a transparent gray so one could be justified in calling him a skeleton, as you can see his bones.

Either way her work is utterly stunning and wonderful to look at. Not to mention it very seldom sticks to one art style, showing her versatility. I love Chiara’s work, and she was the first idol I came across. I haven’t been in love for a long time (not that I haven’t wanted to be mind you) so her drawings either don’t pertain to me, or they remind me times best forgotten. Regardless her work is a wonder to behold, and I hope one day to be half as good as her.

Chiara Bautista doesn’t have any sites that I know of, but she does a Facebook she seems to be current with. Go check her out! https://www.facebook.com/pg/chiarabautistaartwork/about/?ref=page_internal

Last, but in no way least, is the wonderfully multi-talented lady named Haenuli. Haenuli is from The Republic of South Korea, and she was also one I discovered through Pinterest. How can I describe why I love her art so much? I suppose it stems from the known fact I have Anxiety and Depression, and Miss Haenuli draws her pieces in an effort to help with her own depression (at least that’s what the description under one of her drawings on Pinterest said 😂). I suppose my love for her works stems from a sort of connection with her, especially with the subjects of her works. Unlike Miss Yasahime and Chiara Bautista, Haenuli’s style is very minimalist. She doesn’t have very many details, and conveys her emotions in the positioning of the two subjects instead. Her use of the body is very pretty, and organic. I can’t tell you how often I end up disliking art work because the composition is either too stiff or merely anatomically incorrect; blech!

Haenuli is also a designer for the Lolita fashion, and they are so gorgeous it hurts. Lol but we aren’t talking about my dream clothes, sooo…moving on!

Haenuli only ever draws a naked woman and a skeleton, who seem to be in love. The little situations she puts them in are very endearing, and sometimes she even has some jokes and funny situations, but mainly her pieces can be quite saddening to look at. I suppose I love her work best because it is simple, and the relationship between the girl and the skeleton remind me very much of the struggles I face with my mental illnesses. Although they cause me much grief, I wouldn’t want to get rid of them. They make me who I am, and they are there when no one else is. I can see myself in her art, and isn’t that what art is all about?

Haenuli has a Facebook and a Storenvy, so go check her out! https://www.facebook.com/haenuliartworks/ http://haenuli.storenvy.com/

“Well Gopher this has all been very sweet, but what exactly do you get from them?”

Great question, though I don’t think I’ll be able to articulate an answer 😂 I suppose I should start with why I love art?

Let’s see…I guess I love art because…it was the only thing I ever felt good at..aside from reading of course, and writing wouldn’t cross my mind as a thing I could do until sophomore year of high school. No, art was my first talent, and my first love. I am a middle child between two extremely bright brothers, that always seemed to be so much better than me. At least that was how I felt… when you live in a world where science and mathematical skills, or athletic prowess, are more highly regarded than being an artsy bookworm…you can feel pretty crummy next to anybody with those skills. So it’s no surprise any time I got praise from ANYBODY about my art, I felt like God himself had appeared to me. Is that a little much? Maybe, but to a seven year old that thought herself alone it meant the world.

I love art because it can literally be anything. All it has to do, is touch someone. Wether that’s through drawing someone’s favorite character or creating a piece that conveys an emotion they have known or wish to know… like writing, they feel a part of something. They feel understood, and I really enjoy giving that to someone. I hated feeling alone..still do, so if I can help someone feel like they belong then I will. Wholeheartedly. Plus, it’s always such. A fun and relaxing experience when something that started in your head becomes reality. Like Albert Camus said, “Creer, c’est vivre deux fois.” To create, is to live twice.

What a gift that is…

So what do I get from them? I suppose I get a sense of belonging, and something to work towards I suppose. I don’t know 😂 artists (and musicians I’m sure) always see a better person’s art and not only do we want to emulate it, we fucking WANT it. Beautiful art to an artist is like clothes to a shopaholic. We WANT it, but at the same time we still want it to be ours. “I must creat a system or be enslaved by another mans; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.” – William Blake.

Ah, an artist’s conundrum.

Any way Gophs, these are the ladies I aspire to be. Their art is impeccable, amazing, inspiring, envying, etc. I’m so glad I found them :3

Sorry for the long post and until next time

P.s. none of these beautiful drawings are mine. They belong to their rightful owners Yasahime, Chiara Bautista, and Haenuli. Go check out their sites :3

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Who Are You People!?

Hiya Gophs!

Before I get into the main point of this post, I HAVE to gush hahaha

“Ok, gush away Go-“

Thank you I will!!!

LOOK

AT

THIS

KEYBOARD!!!

OH LAWD HAVE MERCY!! I AM TYPING ON IT RIGHT NOW AND THE CLICKING, THE FEEL OF THE KEYS, THE LOOK OF THE BOARD, THE SMELL OF THE METAL!!

Did you just say smell?”

Silence cretin, do not question my senses. They are too magnanimous to be burdened with such senseless wonders.

“Gopher I think you-“

Are lucky? Amazing? Funny? Magical? BurdDENED WITH GLORIOUS PURPOSE?!

“I was thinking insane.”

….Ah…yes..there’s that too haha now be silent for a few minutes and gaze at the splendor before you. Isn’t it…beautiful..?

*forcibly grabs your head and shoves you towards it, whispering very creepily into your ear* Beautiful..

And now I’m officially Cree-“

MOVING ON! *I say as I throw you to the side* 😀

The main point of this post was really to tell all you Gophs (the ones who have followed) and the beauties that have simply stopped by to satisfy a curiosity, that I am truly thankful to you all. When I started this blog I never imagined I would reach 100 likes on here, or even that I would have reached 25 followers. Truly, I am humbled so many people enjoy the ramblings of a silly girl with a ill mind. I hope to never disappoint you guys, and I hope that I never put away the keyboard.

I have truly enjoyed every post I have made, and am very thankful that I gathered the strength to put myself on a path that would better me; physically and mentally. I know I still have a ways to go, but it’s a journey I am excited for. Maybe one day I will type a post that tells you all of the publishing of a book, but till then I will be just as content with publishing silly posts on here that entertain or inspire. Either way I am a blessed Gopher, and I thank you all for joining me on this path.

Until next time 😀

Would You Like Me Too?: A Poem

As I walk my way alone,

Down this winding street,

I only have one wonder,

When our two eyes do meet.

I feel like such a topic,

For the people on the street.

They stare, and gawk, and whisper;

But you are always sweet.

I know they often comment,

On the way I am; it’s true.

I know what I mean to them…

But what am I to you?

Sometimes I am called slutty,

Other times I am a prude.

Sometimes I am so cute,

Other times I seem so crude.

But you are oh so different,

In all the things you do.

You like so many things…

Would you like me too?

They often stare and wonder,

Why I look the way I do,

But you can see the magic.

You can see the truth.

Sometimes I am so witchy,

Or maybe a warrior true.

Sometimes I am a child,

Or maybe a simple shrew.

So here is my question,

For a boy so sweet indeed.

You like so many things,

That you have no want or need.

As I walk my way alone,

Down this winding street.

I only have one wonder,

When our two eyes do meet…

What am I to you?

And would you like me too?

T.R.G.

The Girl, and The God: A Poem

Who is the wolf?
Who wears the hood?
Nobody knows,
And nobody should.

Here in my arms,
That's where you should be.
Could anyone love you,
More than me?

Deep in the dark,
Is where you must hide.
But here in the light,
Is where you are mine.

Am I the sweet girl?
Though my teeth are so long?
Are you the big beast?
Though your laugh is so strong?

Sometimes I forget,
That people don't know.
That the truth is never,
Easily shown.

Who is the wolf?
Who wears the hood?
Nobody knows,
And nobody should.

This is our world.
Where we can be true.
Just you and me.

Forever? Sounds good.

Not Dead…Yet

Oh Lawd where do I start?!

I DON’T, that’s where I start lol

This whole damn week has been EXHAUSTING oh my LAWD

“Gopher, why was it tiring?”

Did I fucking stutter sir and or madame?! I just said I don’t start.

Mainly because I honestly can’t choose where or what specific thing really took the cake.

Well that’s not true, my dog passing away was definitely the high light of the shit storm. Thanks to that I just feel so drained and blah after everything else.

I am happy I’m writing this blog…mainly because I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone in my day to day life….I mean, there’s only so much you can tell people about your pain or the cause of your pain before they get tired of hearing..which really sucks because then I either bottle it all up or desperately search for someone new to verbally throw up on…but after a while you bottle up anyway…at least I do. Mainly because the anxiety reminds the depression if I keep talking I’ll just become a burden or I’ll be seen as annoying and that’s not ok…

My brain would rather me be silent than make others think I can’t handle myself…or make others think I’m an irritating stain in their life..which I’m fairly certain stems from the deeply ingrained fear of being left alone…..

😳

Wow

My God that became dark…hahaha haa

*ah-hem*

Anywho, there are good things that have happened.

Soon I will be getting an iPad Pro (10.5) with an Apple Pencil :D. I am also going to be snagging the Qwerkywriter Mechanical Keyboard if I can!

“Oh goodness Goph-“

SILENCE PEASANT!

It’s beautiful and amazing and shUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY DAMN IT!!

So yeah, I’m super fucking excited about that because FUCK YEAH BOOK WRITING!!

“Why is everything randomly capitali-“

Shhhhhhhhjjkkhjkjhnkk *creepily caresses your face, as I draw closer to you and whisper*….. I’m tired of your questions human.

The second good thing, and this may seem really silly, is that I will be acquiring my first, drum roll please…………..
😀
A PURSE!

*crickets*

Eh? Ehhh?

*crickets*

Fuck you guys I’m funny 😂 hahahaha haaaand completely serious.

I know it may not seem like much but it’ll be my first purse in 22 years, so it’s a small milestone but a milestone none the less lol

Plus!! It’s a Disney purse 😀

Anyway….

If I’ve learned anything at this wedding

….lmfao let’s try that again
If I’ve learned anything THIS WEEK…it’s that life truly is a roller coaster ride, and it’s definitely made harder when you are suddenly riding it alone…but I’m going to keep trucking, because the bad doesn’t last forever and I want to be there when the sun finally shines through.

Take care Gophs, and until next time 🙂
P.S.

Life Without You

Heya Gophs…
You guys remember that post a while back…where I said I like to be alone…but I don't like BEING alone..

Well…the worst has happened..

I am alone…

And I haven't been alone since 5th grade…

When we moved from California…I left a lot behind..and I became aware of some hard things in the first year of living in my new home. That first year was a dark and bleak time in my life…and it didn't seem like it was going to get any better when the next year rolled around….

But it did…despite the odds..

My mom is a teacher, first of students now of teachers, and she's great. We would always stay late at the school while mom finished paper work, so we became good friends with all the custodians…of them was a little old Hispanic lady..who always reminded of my Abuela, which made the transition a little easier…anyway..

One day she came up to my brother and I and asked if we wanted a puppy. Of course, asking two small children if they want a puppy is probably not the best way to go about it, but she did and man did we.

So we said "of course!!" And ran upstairs to our mom to tell her we were getting a puppy, which I'm sure you can guess that didn't go over well. She explicitly told us no, despite the most adorable begging two little kids could muster.

And we thought that was it. No puppy for us. Just more loneliness…

Then after school a day or two later we walked into our mom's classroom….and there she was…the soon to be light of my life..sniffing around blindly in the back reading corner.

I don't think I've ever moved faster in my life to get to something.

At first I was sort of reluctant to like her because my older brother was there and Junior, my former dog (gave him to a friend of the family because we couldn't fly him out), had leaned more towards my big brother more than anyone…so I figured it would turn out the same…

But I couldn't help myself. She was just too cute. She was the cutest puddle of red clay fuzz you ever could see, and at 3 weeks her eyes weren't even open. She was a blind bundle of love, and I was smitten.

I got to bottle feed her when I could, and there wasn't a moment I didn't have her in my arms or SOMEWHERE near me. She'd suck on my fingers, and give me kisses doused in puppy breath; which is honestly the best kind of kisses….

When we brought her home after getting her, we hid her so we could try convincing dad to get one first…he refused repeatedly, until something under the table scared him..

Yep, that's right. My baby had blindly climbed out of her little box, made her way to my dad's feet, and started licking his toes….I'm sure I don't have to tell you how quickly the NO turned to FINE

But still..I was little…and my mom and brother were always feeding her..so I kept feeling like…despite all the loving I was giving her…she'd still choose to be someone else's dog…..then she opened her eyes..

She opened her eyes…and I knew she saw me as hers…just as much as I felt she was mine…

And it never changed…for 12 years…she was mine and I was hers..

Today…for the first time in 12 years..I woke up without my best friend…and I feel like I've been crippled..

I feel like a child again…where the world is dark and I'm not sure I can handle it…all because the one reason I knew I could is gone…

I knew that so long as I had Georgia…I could face anything..because no matter what happened..no matter how topsy turvy it all got…I could smile and say "at least I get to go home to Georgia"

I can't describe how empty the world feels now.

I can't describe how alone it makes you feel when there's no wagging tail or slew of kisses to greet you when you get home…

When there's no warm soft body to crush itself against you because you just LOOK sad…

I can't tell you how it feels to want to be cheered up…but the only thing that ever really cheers you up..is the reason you're sad to begin with…

It's like my heart has just been removed…and nobody is quite sure how to replace it..

She liked going places with me…

She liked sleeping next to me…

She liked hiding under my feet when it thundered…

She liked everyone that so much as looked in her direction…

….I'm so sorry I left you there baby…I'm sorry I didn't know you were upset…I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise to make it all better when I finally saw you…

I just want you back….

Because life without you….is no life at all

Today..I lost my best friend

Recently..I went on vacation to Florida. It was a lot of fun, and a great time with the family. Unfortunately, I had to board my dog. So I called around, and decided on the Peachtree Corners Animal Clinic…

Everyone I talked to seemed kind, and knowledgeable. They informed me that since it was a clinic she would have to be up to date on a lot of vaccines and they'd also give her a bath. Everything was good…but apparently it wasn't.

The day I arrived to get my baby girl…she was bloated..lethargic, and unresponsive. My heart sank and I instantly asked what was wrong. I didn't recognize any of the vet techs that were around me.. and two just shrugged and said "maybe it's because we woke her from a nap"

…..that's not how that works. Granted my baby girl was older, but she would never act the act the way she did when she'd wake up.. she was a beautiful ball of energy even at 12….and I loved her so much

I sat there for 5 minutes pushing the issue before they finally asked if I wanted to see a vet.

Finally we did…and the vet said they would do x-rays..

I had to go to work…there was no way around it..so my brother flew me down the road to work and came back for my baby…

The vet said she had bloat….and my brother told me from the x-rays it was huge…..I don't even want to think of how long she suffered..especially since my brother was told by the fucking vet techs she had expressed depression, anxiety, and irritation in the middle of the week we were gone…but they never called me…..I never knew..

If I had I would've dropped everything and come home…I would've come and got my baby..but I wasn't given the chance….

The bloat had been alleviated by 35% while my brother was taking me to work..though I never authorized anything…and of course they tried to charge us for it…

Thankfully my mother raised hell on Georgia's behalf and she was released to us and we weren't charged…all while I'm at work..my baby is rushed to her actual vet who does everything he can…puts in a notice for the ER that she might be coming in….and ultimately decides she is ok enough to come home so she can actually relax and be around us….

None of this news makes me feel better…because that's what happens when it's too late..but I hoped..with everything I had she would be ok…she was my baby..a super tough cookie with enough energy to power the sun….she survived cancer she could survive this…

I finally got home from work and bee-lined it straight for her…

She was lying in one of her spots…on her side…just watching my family move around…….then she saw me…really saw me..and her little tail wagged and I got down on my knees and told her I was sorry..and I loved her…and….

She seemed fine…happy..relaxed…a little groggy but ultimately ok…

We watched her…then we all hit the hay…I slept downstairs on the couch because she couldn't get up the stairs…and I wanted to be right there for her..

A little around five in the morning, I noticed she had moved from her previous spot on the other side of the couch to the her bed beside me…which made me really happy…..

A little around six in the morning, I noticed she was gone. I got up and saw my brother was up so I asked him where she was and we both walked around to the front of the house to where she was laying on the first landing of the stairs. She looked up at us and I heard her collar jingle….so we went back to bed..

She didn't make it…

My mother woke me up…and as gently as she could..told me that my baby girl…my best friend of twelve years…was gone…

I am angry…devastated…hurt….but mostly I'm sorry…I'm sorry I left her…I'm sorry I couldn't protect her…I'm sorry she had to hurt so much….I'm sorry I couldn't save her…

Her name was Georgia. She was twelve years old. We got her from a custodian at our elementary school a year after we moved from California to Georgia. She was just only three weeks old when we got her…her little eyes weren't even open yet…but I knew she was going to be my everything the minute I saw her..and I guess she felt the same because when she opened her eyes…she did it in my arms…and she saw me first..

She has been my whole world for so long….and she made the anxiety and depression bearable…….I knew I could tackle anything so long as she was by my side…

Now I'm just lost…I want to wake up right now and find out I'm curled up at home with her and we haven't left for Florida yet…

I want the bastards who did this to GET SOMETHING!!

I want to go back in time because it was ONLY yesterday…that's not that far back!!

I want the image of my dog walking out of a clinic unresponsive, bloated, and weak gone from my mind….
I want it to be I actually picked her up happy and well and I get to relax at home with her at my feet…as close as she can possibly get…

I want my dog….I want her more than anything…

You were my sunshine…My only sunshine
I will always love you..